i have been going out with her for almost 3 years now. her mom has been ill for a couple of months or more now. it was a late diagnosis on cancer. it is too late for them to do anything and the doctor recently said she has a few days to live instead of the pre diagnosis of months to live. I don't know what to do, i have been there for her as a shoulder to cry on. I feel really helpless and bad at the same time. i don't know what to say to her. I just want to comfort her to the best of my ability.Sunday, January 1, 2012
My Girlfriends Mom Is Dying Of Liver Cancer I Dont Know What To Say?
i have been going out with her for almost 3 years now. her mom has been ill for a couple of months or more now. it was a late diagnosis on cancer. it is too late for them to do anything and the doctor recently said she has a few days to live instead of the pre diagnosis of months to live. I don't know what to do, i have been there for her as a shoulder to cry on. I feel really helpless and bad at the same time. i don't know what to say to her. I just want to comfort her to the best of my ability.
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laaur - In situations like this there really isn't much that you can say.
ReplyDeleteJust keep giving her a shoulder to cry on and be there for her whenever she needs you.
It's really the best you could do.
goodluck.
Tai - Try making her mum happy, since she only has a short while to live, make her feel that she can still live happy, that she doesn't have to face this with grimace and depression! You and your girlfriend should know what to do.
ReplyDeleteMOT_R - Hold their hands and express you true feelings. I know from experience that the living need more help. The are many question you should ask the mother. Learn about her life and her success through her eyes. Be there with her daughter.
ReplyDeleteG2Rêves - I personally lost my wifesome years back and I know how tough that can be. My wife died of lung cancer and passed away in a matter of months. There's not much we can do about it but I do recommend you to get one or two books of best seller author Sylvia browne. She does explain quite well the factor of death in our lives, but more over about the after life. Life goes on in another dimension and there's really no end to life. Wish you the very best .
ReplyDeletejes - You sound like a really smashing guy, you have a period of walking on egg shells coming up, we've just been through this with my father in law passing 2 wks ago, and i'll be honest, there is nothing much you can say, there's no point saying it'll be ok as it obviously won't, just doing what you're doing now and be there for her, be prepared though, she is going to go through some very difficult to cope with mood changes once her mum has gone, she'll be angry at the world, at her mum for going at dr's for not stopping it and you, just because! because she can really, its not aimed at you but you're going to be her venting post, she'll say a lot she doesn't mean, take it on the shoulder, not to heart, my husband said yesterday that i could never have liked his dad and it was because i haven't cried very much, then an hour later he was saying sorry and he didn't mean it, the tears will come many & frequent and could be for quite a while, i still miss my dad who died 17 yrs ago, some people expect to stop grieving after the funeral, but that's generally just the start, hold her (when she lets you) and reassure her that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that one day in the future she will see the clouds move aside and see sunshine again, encourage her to talk about her mum but don't push it, if she has the job of clearing things out then try to get her to leave it a few days or week, we realised that doing my dads the day after we got rid of things that we would have liked to have kept, even if had been just another few weeks. she's lucky to have you, hope you find your way through this dark time ok x
ReplyDeleteEmma - Just be there for her ever step of the way, she's going to need you since she's having a hard time with this. Show her love and support her. That's all you can pretty much do.
ReplyDeletemiranda - There isn't anything for you to do except be there to comfort her. Let her lean on you, let her cry as much as she needs to, be as understanding as you can be. This will be the toughest time of her life, she will have moments where she will feel that she wants to die. There is nothing helpless about being her rock, someone she can trust to catch her and who will hold her. This is not something that is going to go through and get over quickly. She may well be affected by this for as much as a year but the first couple of months are the hardest, and the first few weeks will be critical. Just be willing to do whatever she needs, and tell her that - she'll want to know you are there. And there will come a time when she will need to laugh again, after a couple of months she'll be getting back into life and feeling more than grief - she'll need to start living again and laughter will definitely help relieve some of that pain.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to suggest something for you to do on your own, without her knowing - there's a couple of movies about death, from a woman's perspective, that might help you understand - and I think they are ones you should see, rent the video or stream it if you can. Steel Magnolias, One True Thing or Terms of Endearment. They are 'chick flicks' but they deal with death and mothers and daughters - it might help you to see how these women play out what they go through - they really are good lessons for understanding grief and how to recover. Steel Magnolias would be the first choice but any of the three would be good.