Thursday, November 3, 2011

How Do You Explain To A 3 Year Old That They Have Cancer?

396545116 My 3 year old daughter was just diagnosed with a rare type of Leukemia(AML M6). We're in for a long road and just for this phase of treatment, which is called induction, we may be here for a month. I've been trying to explain it to her in a way she'll understand, but it's just so hard! I can't even grasp this thought yet. How can I explain it to HER if I'M still having a hard time accepting my little girl, my only child, my baby, has cancer?!?!

7 comments:

  1. Mary Kontrarry - Get the doctor to help explain it. It's his/her job to do so.

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  2. Kathleen - You should enlist the assistance of the hospital's oncologists and social workers to work with you to explain it.

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  3. Truth Angel - You can't. Three is too young to understand. You tell them they are sick and need doctors. The concept of cancer is much too broad for someone so young.

    Bless you in your journey.

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  4. ASH - aawww thats soo sad but to answere your question i think she'll understand more and more as time goes on but if i was in your position i would just tell her the truth and say that there is something inside you which the doctors are gonna try take out (something like that i guess)

    i hope the best for your daughter though..

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  5. Ch - I'm so,so sorry. I cannot imagine how I would feel if my daughter had cancer. There is no easy way to tell your daughter that she has cancer, but you could tell her that she is sick, very sick. I think that if she gets used to the thought I think she will accept it easier. I do not think that she is old enough to understand what cancer is, but I think that you can explain to her that you will be there for her, but that a rough time lies ahead of all of you. All the best and I hope that everything goes well,
    Ch

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  6. roderick_young - I think she's too young to be scared of the concept. The only thing she will take a cue from is your emotions. If you freak, then she will. If you're calm and positive, then she will be, too. If any of the regimens are difficult, you'll just have to be there to reassure her that you love her, and that it will help her get better.

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  7. Indiana - I feel so sorry and so sad for your family. May God bless you all on your daughters road to recovery. These tips are for explaining to children about parents with cancer. It is easy to work them into a way your child will under stand though. Once again, I bess you all and give you the best of luck.

    Here are some tips for communicating with your children:
    Give your children accurate, age-appropriate information about cancer. Don’t be afraid to use the word “cancer.” Tell or show them where the cancer is on your body. Practice your explanation beforehand so you feel more comfortable. Remember that if you don’t talk to your kids about cancer, they may invent their own explanations, which can be even more frightening than the facts.

    Explain the treatment plan and how it will affect their lives. Prepare your children for any physical changes you might go through during treatment (for instance, hair loss, extreme tiredness, or weight loss). Let your children know that their needs will continue to be taken care of (for example, “Daddy will take you to soccer practice instead of Mom for a while.”)

    Answer your children’s questions as accurately as possible. Take into account their age and prior experience with serious illness in the family. If you do not know the answer to a question, don’t panic. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know. I will try to find out the answer and let you know.”

    Reassure your children. Explain to them that no matter how they have been behaving or what they’ve been thinking, they did not do anything to cause the cancer. Let your children know that they cannot “catch” cancer like they can catch a cold.

    Let them know they can turn to other members of your support system, too. These people include your spouse or partner, relatives, friends, clergy, teachers, coaches, and members of your health care team. Let your children know that they can ask questions of these adults and talk to them about their feelings.

    Allow your children to participate in your care. Give them age-appropriate tasks such as bringing you a glass of water or an extra blanket.

    Encourage your children to express their feelings. Let them know that they can express any feelings, even those that are uncomfortable. Let them know, too, that it’s okay to say, “I don’t feel like talking right now,” if that is the case.

    Reassure your children that they will be cared for. Let them know that even if you can’t always provide the care directly, their needs are important and will be taken care of.

    To the extent possible, make communicating with your children a priority. Cancer treatments may leave you with less energy, but make every effort to really listen to your children. This will show them how much you love them, and help them to feel comfortable coming to you with their concerns in the future.

    The poor child. I wish you all the best and hope she gets through it okay. Three may be too young to understand the full concept, just give her a brief explaination that will not worry her.

    As always, show your children a lot of love and affection. Let them know that although things are different now, your love for them has not changed.

    When helping your children cope with your diagnosis, it’s almost impossible to be prepared for every situtaion. Sometimes, you may not know what to say. This is normal and okay. Remember that you are the expert on your children. Cancer can be overwhelming and disruptive, but it doesn’t change the fact that you know your children best. Trust your sense of how to best support them during this difficult time.

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