My mom told me that she has been diagnosed with colon cancer, she was in the middle of a drunk midnight call - totally a different catagory. She has been an alcoholic for at least 15 years, smokes 2 packs aday, has been hating the world for at least ten years, has high blood pressure, and needless to say is depressed. Now that the background is set.....She says she has 6 months to a year to live, she is not having surgery, not having kemo, not taking meds. She says she is going to work, then get drunk, then go to sleep.
has anyone ever had to deal with this? did the person change attitudes? how long did they make it?
PLEASE help me out!
I realize that she its a free world and she can make her own choices, but how am i supposed to deal with it? I'm the only one that knows and she will not tell anyone else. I feel an obligation to tell the rest of the family, but also don't want to go against her "dying" wish, I guess you could say. There is more to the storyy - she has been pushing people to the limits of sanity for years, pushing people away from her and then blaming them for running away.
I just don't know if I can handle this alone. I have spoken to my wife, but honestly, they have hated eachother for years and never really connected (different ways of life, I guess). Mom has even seperated my wife from even going to family get togethers with the rest of the family - due to threats, talking crap, etc.
I appreciate the advice. Thanks
I realize that she its a free world and she can make her own choices, but how am i supposed to deal with it? I'm the only one that knows and she will not tell anyone else. I feel an obligation to tell the rest of the family, but also don't want to go against her "dying" wish, I guess you could say. There is more to the storyy - she has been pushing people to the limits of sanity for years, pushing people away from her and then blaming them for running away.
I just don't know if I can handle this alone. I have spoken to my wife, but honestly, they have hated eachother for years and never really connected (different ways of life, I guess). Mom has even seperated my wife from even going to family get togethers with the rest of the family - due to threats, talking crap, etc.
I appreciate the advice. Thanks
Jim - You are in a difficult situation with your mother. You didn't mention how old she is now. Being a chronic alcoholic myself 15 years ago; one can not change on their own. Getting her into treatment sounds like a lost cause. Do you know anyone in Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) that is willing to take her to a meeting? She could have some sober time left if she wants to make a change. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteLaurie - My grandmother had lung cancer and she smoked, She did about like your mom, but after she was in the hospital for a week due to her not able to breath she changed her tune. But she died about 6 months later. So I know its hard! I am so sorry. I feel so sorry for you and your family. I hope she at least takes meds to help her with the pain. I am sending out a pray your way.
ReplyDeletethinkingtime - It's a free world. Your mother can make her own choices.
ReplyDeleteDenisedds - I have seen many of these cases and they sometimes change their minds about surgery, but not usually about the rest and I cannot say I blame them. You do not mention what kind of colon cancer she has or the stage, but if I had stage 4 disease I would not get treatment other than surgery either.
ReplyDeleteIf she is not close to obstruction or perforation she may be fine without surgery, but if she is well enough to still work it sounds like the end may be up to a year from now. If she is close to obstruction or perforation she will change her mind about surgery as it is too damn painful not to.
Give her a little time and periodically ask if you can tell the rest of the family. She may not want everyone’s opinions right now. Eventually it will be obvious. Best wishes.
Jennifer Howser - Nobody on here can give you proper advice. I'm in recovery and I can't even do that.
ReplyDeleteYou need to speak to a professional.
Ultimately, you need to understand that as an alcoholic, she is NOT your mother anymore. She is the addict. Alcohol is a depressant, which you've already seen. It's stopping her from trying to save her life and will ultimately be the cause of her death.
The only thing you can do at this point is an intervention, as you don't have the time for anything else. An intervention will either get her to accept help for the cancer and addiction, or it'll result in her doing what she'll do anyway.
Since you have the chance of saving her now, choose carefully. An intervention is expensive, but they do work. In this case, it's your only chance.